Experienced by Many: Mental Health Struggles During my PhD

In this blog piece, Saltanat Kydyralieva Kaplan openly discusses her journey into clinical psychology. She looks into the mental health struggles and challenges she faced on the way and offers valuable advice for current PhD students navigating their own mental wellbeing. 

Photo sourced from Unsplash

Connecting mental health and academia is not often a focus in the field of psychology. However, as someone who personally experienced mental health issues during my PhD, and observed the same difficulties among fellow PhD students, I can confidently say these experiences are far from rare. In fact, they represent a common dilemma that academics frequently encounter.

My own academic journey began after graduating from a rural high school on the outskirts of Bishkek, the capital of Kyrgyzstan. Through competitive examination, I was admitted to Kyrgyz-Turkish Manas University, where I earned both my bachelor’s and master’s degrees in history with a scholarship. I was proficient in Turkish but had limited knowledge of English and this largely influenced my choice of country for my PhD studies. As a result, I found myself in the classrooms of Türkiye’s Istanbul University.

Battling Imposter Syndrome in Academia

The first unpleasant psychological struggle I encountered occurred after leaving Kyrgyz-Turkish Manas University, (where the faculty and administration treated us with great care and created a secure and supportive environment). This struggle stemmed from my desire to prove to the faculty of Istanbul University that they should treat me as an “excellent student”, which was a role I had become accustomed to since high school. My struggle was further triggered by my supervisor, some prejudice for not being a native Turkish speaker, and also by my Perfectionist Syndrome.

In psychology, Perfectionist Syndrome refers to the belief that an ideal must be achieved, and the conviction that imperfect work has no right to exist. Related to perfectionism, it was best described by Joachim Stoeber in his 2028 book, ‘The Psychology of Perfectionism: Theory, Research, Applications‘ “understood as a personality disposition characterised by striving for perfection and demanding perfection from oneself and/or others”.

This rising feeling of inadequacy regarding my academic competence that emerged at the dawn of my doctoral studies was the first crack that eventually led to me suffering from Impostor Syndrome. Impostor Syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where people are unable to attribute their achievements to their own abilities and hard work. Despite receiving external proof of their competence and abilities, those affected by the syndrome continue to believe they do not deserve the success they have achieved. Although it is not considered a mental disorder and is not listed in the ICD-11 or DSM-V (the two major systems for classifying mental disorders), it has been extensively studied by psychologists.

Despite there being external evidence of my academic achievements from tutors and exam results, this syndrome caused me to consistently deny all my achievements, and reject all my qualities, abilities, and efforts. After completing the mandatory courses for my doctoral submission in the first two semesters, I spent the next few years immersed in continuous grant applications, academic travels around the world, and attending various summer schools and conferences. I was supposed to be diligently working on my PhD dissertation, but because my life was so full and vibrant, I turned my attention elsewhere.

Avoidance and Procrastination

Looking back now, with my present background in general and clinical psychology, I have a clear understanding of the avoidance mechanism that was at play when it came to my dissertation. This is a psychological defense strategy, which leads to avoiding situations and sources of discomfort.

My PhD dissertation focused on the national resistance movement against Russian rule in Central Asia, known in the research literature as the Basmachi movement. The movement began as a series of uprisings and upheavals which eventually evolved into the political demand for national independence, based on the slogan “the right of every nation to self-determination.” The national and clerical parties of Turkestan (“Shura-i Islam,” “Alash,” “Shura-i-Ulema”) sought to gradually grant the region autonomy, and ultimately withdraw it from Russia.  However, the topic of my dissertation was not solely my choice, in fact, it was largely imposed on me by the faculty professors who knew of my knowledge of Russian, Kyrgyz, Turkish, and other Central Asian/Turkic languages.

This avoidance mechanism manifested itself in me endlessly pursuing new literature on all topics related to my dissertation, which meant I was constantly postponing writing my doctoral studies. During that period of my life, I remember that this notorious procrastination completely overwhelmed me, and became my constant companion. Procrastination or the tendency in which a person unjustifiably delays or postpones the completion of tasks despite being aware of the potential negative consequences comes from the Latin word procrastinatus, which literally means to postpone until tomorrow, with the only difference being that we usually postpone not until tomorrow, but for months and years of our lives!

Economic Struggles

My studies took place during the global economic crisis, which led to significant inflation of the Turkish lira. This meant my income from freelance translation jobs and private lessons no longer covered the minimum living standard in the bustling city of Istanbul. At that moment, I remember distinctly feeling like a fish stuck in a tank, futilely hurling itself against the glass and using  up all my strength in the process. I did not want to work from dawn till dusk in an unrelated area, but in the fields where my academic skills could be potentially helpful. However, jobs were only available to citizens of Turkey.

As a result, the process of just surviving led to depression, anger and alienation. I remember during this period period, I stopped even going outside the apartment. But despite all my internal struggles, I was able to “push” myself to defend my doctoral dissertation, largely due to the moral and financial support of my husband, who was also studying at Istanbul University and had also managed to secure a job.

Research indicates a significant number of PhD students experience mental health challenges, which can impact their academic progress and lead to them dropping out. Studies have found that up to 50% of graduate students report symptoms of depression, anxiety, or burnout during their training. These mental health issues are a major contributor to students’ decisions to leave academia. Attrition rates in doctoral programmes are notably high, with estimates suggesting that between 40% to 60% of PhD candidates do not complete their programmes. While not all attrition is due to psychological struggles, the demanding nature of doctoral studies, combined with insufficient financial support, can exacerbate mental health issues, leading to students discontinuing their studies.

Seeing my PhD as a Journey, Not as a Destination

I want to emphasise my late father’s mentoring role. He regularly called me and gave me advice on how to build a stronger relationship with my supervisor so that I could persuade him to review my dissertation. I remember feeling conflicted all the time. I knew that history as a discipline and profession didn’t particularly captivate me, as it didn’t promise much in terms of employment opportunities. However, I also couldn’t tear myself away and tell myself, “Okay, you tried, but it didn’t work out, and that’s fine!”

This was when I realised  that my self enforced punishment would only end when I completed this cycle of my life and obtained the doctoral degree, no matter the cost. At the time, I thought that after defending my dissertation, our main financial problems would disappear, and I naively believed I would immediately start working somewhere in a university in Türkiye. However, after graduating, I found out that there were very few vacancies in history departments and they often didn’t accept foreigners.

So, I began the second cycle of bureaucratic struggles. Turkish government programmes did not sponsor their own graduates for post-doctoral positions, and I did not succeed in securing international grant competitions. At this point in my life, I decided to have a child as it did not seem like timing would ever be ‘perfect. This is when my outlook underwent a transformation. I began to see my life and my academic career as a journey rather than a destination. All the obstacles and difficulties that came my way became the norm, after all, no one promised it would be easy; the key was to keep moving forward and, most importantly, derive pleasure from my life.

Finding a Purpose and Passion for Clinical Psychology

As a result of this mental breakthrough, I decided to retrain and pursue a more practical profession so that I could finally choose an occupation where I wouldn’t constantly question myself. Following the advice of my younger brother, Malake, I chose to specialise in clinical psychology. After reviewing numerous educational programmes, I decided to pursue a second degree while dedicating time to academic activities. I also needed time to care for my son at that time while partially working as a legal and medical translator.

I enrolled in the Moscow Institute of Psychoanalysis for an online course, thereby bringing an end to my quest of finding the answers to existential questions that had troubled me for the past 20 years, and ultimately finding some inner peace. I dedicated approximately 15 hours per week to the classes, not including clinical practice work and assignments. Although the  four years of psychology training and education were challenging, leaving me often exhausted, I never experienced the all too familiar feelings of ambivalence and denial. I am now doing well, I am becoming a sought-after specialist, and for the first time, I enjoy what I am doing.

Advice for Aspiring PhD Students

I talked about how pursuing a PhD is a significant psychological challenge that can lead to various mental disorders if you are unprepared. As research shows, a lot of doctoral students face difficulties such as isolation, supervisor issues, loneliness—especially when studying in a foreign country. They have periods where they lack motivation, have financial struggles, endure stress, or suffer from perfectionist and impostor syndrome. As a psychologist and researcher in psychology who has experienced these struggles firsthand, I want to share some insights that may help current  PhD students who are going through similar experiences:

1. First of all, be active in both academic and social circles. Do not limit or restrict yourself to only your academic interests. Seek out different events to socialise at, or join some local activities outside of academia.
2. Openly talk to fellow scholars, and even your supervisor regarding your place in academia. Don’t keep your negative or unmotivating thoughts to yourself—share them and seek support. It will help you to recognise that imposter syndrome is something that many people feel.
3. Tracking your achievements (even small ones) in a journal will help you to get rid of feelings of inadequacy and remind you that you were selected because you are capable.
4. If you have an indifferent supervisor (which unfortunately was my experience) I scheduled meetings every week to discuss my dissertation. This worked for me, as every time my supervisor saw me in his office he remembered that he had missed sending me the feedback that I required.
5. Remember that perfectionism will lead to burn out in the long run. Instead choose to progress with small consistent steps, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Avoid working long exhausting hours sporadically,  instead work on your PhD regularly everyday for shorter periods.
6. Use psychological strategies such as mindfulness, cognitive restructuring (challenging negative thoughts), and structured breaks (the Pomodoro technique) which can help maintain mental health and well-being, give you a feeling of satisfaction and prevent burnout. These method boosts productivity and creates a rhythm that can make daily progress feel more achievable and satisfying.
7. Practice mindfulness by bringing your attention to the present moment in a non-judgmental and accepting way. Engage in short daily mindfulness exercises—personally, I found mindful walking especially helpful. In this practice, you focus on each step, the sensation of the ground beneath your feet, and the natural rhythm of your movement.
8. Learn to identify and challenge negative thought patterns (e.g., “I’m not good enough in academic writing” or “I’ll never finish my PhD”, “For what I am spending years of my life”, and “I will never find an academic position or postdoc”). Reframing or cognitively restructuring these thoughts into more balanced, constructive ones improves motivation and protects your mental health.
9. Financial factors were a major source of stress in my PhD journey as is the case for many PhD students. I recommend applying for multiple funding opportunities,  acquiring some skills you can monetise to support your PhD.
10. To fund and monetise your PhD, consider exploring foundations and organisations that support research in your specific field or related to your dissertation topic. You can also work as a part-time consultant in your area of expertise or as a graduate academic advisor—especially if you speak foreign languages. Teaching private language lessons, tutoring courses, or creating your own online courses on platforms like Udemy or Teachable are also viable options. Additionally, freelance writing and content creation can serve as valuable sources of income. In my case, I applied to foundations and organisations that specifically fund research in Central Asian studies and topics related to Turkic nations and history. Alongside PhD fellowships, I worked as a language tutor in Russian and English for beginners. I also worked as a translator at various academic and business events, and served as an interpreter in B2B meetings. At the same time, I contributed short articles to a local think tank in Istanbul for a modest honorarium.

If I were to highlight the key learnings from my doctoral studies, they would be as follows: Strive to do your best with consistent effort, but remember that the goal is not perfection—it is to be good enough. Feelings of anxiety and uncertainty about the future and your career are completely normal, and you should not hesitate to share them with those around you. There is life beyond academia, and it is important not to become overly fixated on a single pursuit. Lastly, change is the only constant, and whatever decision you make along your academic journey is the right one for you at that moment.