Read our latest blog post by Zarnigor Khayat, a devoted mother, scientist, and lecturer at Webster University in Tashkent, Uzbekistan. Based on her personal experiences dealing with postpartum mental health, cultural expectations, and academic pressures, Zarnigor offers an open and honest insight into the delicate balance between family life, motherhood and pursuing her doctoral research.
Every individual faces moments in life when even the most mundane stresses become overwhelming. This sentiment was especially salient for me in 2020. This period was characterised not only by the pandemic but also by motherhood, the pursuit of a PhD, and the challenges posed to my mental health during my doctoral studies.
Research into mental health, motherhood and PhDs
Mental health challenges are common among doctoral students, which can be driven by the pressures of academia, isolation, and uncertainty. A 2020 study at the University of California, Berkeley found that nearly half of their graduate students reported moderate to severe depression. A 2021 UK survey of PhDs found that more than a third of respondents sought help for anxiety or depression associated with doctoral studies. This highlights the need to address mental health issues within academia.
Becoming a mother can cause a mix of emotions including isolation, and anxiety. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), an estimated 10–15% of women worldwide suffer from postpartum depression, which can be exacerbated by doctoral research and academic responsibilities. Although, studies looking at both motherhood, mental health and academia are hard to find.
Doctorate – to study abroad or at home?
Like many young academics, I wanted to go abroad for my doctorate. I knew that going overseas to study could help build a global reputation, provide opportunities for an international career, travel, build on language skills, and personal growth. However, having grown up in an Uzbek family where upbringing is deeply rooted in customs and national traditions, I was cognisant of the societal expectations as a young bride, wife, and mother. I made the decision with my husband to continue my PhD studies domestically. This decision might have proceeded smoothly had I not encountered significant mental health issues postpartum.
Building resilience: motherhood and studying in a pandemic
On 15 March, 2020, I was in my second year of my PhD and became a mother for the second time. The following day, Uzbekistan officially declared a pandemic. Strict and necessary restrictions were imposed, and quarantine measures rendered support from relatives impossible. At that time, my eldest child was with my parents in another city. Leaving the hospital with a new born baby under such emotional circumstances was difficult. During the most challenging postpartum period, I had to care for the baby without my family. My first child was only one year and 7 months old when my second child was born. I had relied heavily on both my mother and my mother-in-law for support the first time, so without that support network, it suddenly felt like a nightmare.
My husband and I both consider ourselves workaholics—after my first child turned six months, I was already juggling part-time work. Raising a child independently of family wasn’t something I had fully envisioned. Complicating matters further, my second baby frequently experienced high fevers after being vaccinated, which added extra worry and sleepless nights. My husband often assisted with the child and comforted me during moments of anxiety, tears, and fatigue. We stayed indoors for the first few months.
Eventually, due to a sedentary lifestyle, I noticed I put on a significant amount of weight. As a result, I experienced chronic fatigue and frequent high blood pressure. Meanwhile, my studies continued online, and despite successfully passing my exams, I felt overwhelmed. The most difficult period was during the strict quarantine when we could not go out at all.
Zumba and academic productivity
In such tough times, morning runs became our salvation. We would wake up at 5 am and took turns running with our baby. These runs brought a fresh breeze into our routine. I tried not to miss them every day and continued online Zumba lessons daily. This victory over excess weight and becoming fitter, inspired new achievements. I feel the additional energy from both running and Zumba really enhanced my academic productivity. However, writing a dissertation is a separate endeavour. Yes, one can study, pass all exams with distinction, read and conduct research, but when it is time to write a dissertation, the world seems different.
The expression of Respect: My PhD topic
The topic of my PhD was “the expression of Respect” in English and Uzbek literary texts of the nineteenth century. This included both linguopragmatic and sociocultural aspects. Linguopragmatics is a linguistic approach that explores how language might influence people’s behaviour and consciousness. My PhD thesis was about the differences in the expressions of respect for women and girls in England and Uzbekistan. I was interested in how social and cultural norms shaped women’s behaviour and attitudes during this period. As part of my PhD, I had to read and analyse Uzbek and English fiction and poetry from the nineteenth century and conduct a comparative analysis of the texts. The process allowed me to immerse myself in the richness of both literary traditions and gain a deeper understanding of the cultural and linguistic nuances.
My dissertation: my third child
The main stress for me was not in starting to write my PhD but in substantiating all my arguments to academic advisors and the academic council. The advisor might deem a part or even an entire chapter inappropriate or insufficiently justified after you have spent months researching and writing it. Perhaps, it is human nature to try not to think of these failures, yet the brain constantly reminds us of them.
It took me about a year to write my 120-page thesis. I drew inspiration from American nineteenth Century author Jack London, who famously wrote 1,000 words every day. This discipline motivated me to write consistently, even on challenging days. After completing each chapter, I sent it to my supervisor and made numerous revisions based on her feedback.
It is still hard for me to revisit my dissertation — it feels like a third child, one that’s both demanding and occasionally frustrating, much like a student whose teacher is never fully satisfied. For those defending their thesis, my advice is to stay persistent, accept constructive criticism gracefully, and remember that every revision brings you closer to refining your work into something you can be proud of.
“For those defending their thesis, my advice is to stay persistent, accept constructive criticism gracefully, and remember that every revision brings you closer to refining your work into something you can be proud of.”
Zarnigor Khayat
The final hurdle: defending my work
The year 2022 marked my final year in the doctoral program. Researching and writing a dissertation is one thing, but defending it is another. After extensive discussions and constant revisions of the dissertation, the time finally arrived to defend it. Studying abroad and earning a doctorate is difficult, but even choosing to study in a culturally close country or conducting research in your home country with your family around you for support does not protect you from stress and psychological issues.
The defence process in Uzbekistan is long and spans an entire year. It begins with the departmental pre-defence, followed by a seminar in front of peers and faculty. If the applicant passes the preliminary defence and successfully navigates the second stage (a seminar), they proceed to the final defence. At each stage, professors review the work and suggest corrections. As a result, each stage requires a three to six-months wait. Based on their feedback, you make modifications. I recall, at the second seminar stage, professors asked questions about my work. I have always had high self-esteem since childhood and was always told I was an exceptional student, but this part of my doctorate did lower my self-esteem significantly.
During the final stages of my dissertation, I had to leave my two sons with my mum and mother-in-law in a different city. My eldest was four years and four months old, and my youngest was just two years and nine months. Being away from them for more than three months was heart-breaking, especially because I could not call them regularly because of my defence. The distance of eight hours of travel by car or four hours on a high-speed train made this even more difficult. Many relatives and friends could not understand my situation, often asking where my children were, which increased my feelings of guilt. My mother, who always encouraged me to study, pushed me to finish my defence as fast as possible.
Life is not easy for any of us
Reflecting on my PhD journey, I recall Marie Curie’s words: “Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained at any cost.” While her words resonate deeply, it is also a reminder of the importance of balancing passion with self-care, as her relentless dedication to her work ultimately took a toll on her health.
I do feel that you need a great deal of perseverance, self-discipline, confidence, and faith in future success which enabled me to endure this very challenging period in my life. Balancing a PhD and motherhood tested my mental health and resilience, but it also taught me the importance of self-care and community support. For academic mothers, prioritising mental well-being and advocating for family-friendly policies can make a significant difference. With determination and balance, it is possible to thrive and inspire others on this journey.
In my family, we really appreciate being together as Mum, Dad and children. Although studying abroad remains my dream, I understand that it cannot be achieved in the near future. The priorities of my family and my spouse’s career in the country mean that I accept our common values and obligations. As a mother and wife, I respect these unwritten rules, but I also hold on to my dream of exploring the world later on in life. That said, since finishing my PhD, I have been fortunate to visit several countries for educational purposes, including Malaysia, Singapore, Kazakhstan, and Great Britain. This year, I will also be visiting Chicago for a one-month internship as a finalist in the Uzbekistan Business Leaders program by the US embassy.
A gentle balance: self care, parenting and pursuing a PhD
So how does achieve a balance? One of the main things I’d suggest looking out for are conferences and workshops that accommodate families, such as those offering childcare services, in order to support young academic mothers. I often brought one of my children to conferences when my husband, in laws or parents have not been available to care for them. These events reinforced my belief that attaining academic goals should not come at the price of dreams or passions, even though they were challenging.
I also recommend participating in mentoring programs that bring together women experiencing similar issues, as well as joining efforts like as Parent in Science or local academic networks. Institutions can play an important role in assisting academic women by introducing family-friendly policies such as flexible work hours, funding possibilities for researchers with dependents, and on-campus childcare services.
Finally, never underestimate the importance of self-care and the strength of a supportive community in transforming obstacles into avenues for growth and empowerment. Together, we can create an academic culture where women thrive without having to choose between their families and their careers.
The moment before the presentation—calm on the outside, racing thoughts inside
The views and opinions expressed in this blog post are solely those of the blog post author. These views and opinions do not necessarily represent those of Global Souths Hub and/or any/all contributors to this site.
Zarnigor was inspired to write this piece as mentee in the USTA programme. You can read about the programme on our website, USTA Mentorship Programme: Empowering Central Asian Researchers.
Zarnigor Khayatova Biography
Dr. Zarnigor Khayat is a postdoctoral researcher in Computational Linguistics and an adjunct associate professor at Webster University in Tashkent, Uzbekistan. She is passionate about self-identity of marginalised groups, education, cultural studies, and empowering women through academic and professional development.
Zarnigor was finalist in the Ministry of Higher Education and Innovation of Uzbekistan’s program for young researchers. She also holds a CELTA certification (teaching English to speakers of other languages). Zarnigor has participated in several academic workshops and conferences, including one at Nazarbayev University in Kazakhstan, as well as events organised by the Kazakh-German University.
Zarnigor is an alumni of U.S. Embassy sponsored self-defense camp for women and girls in Tashkent and a mentee in the USTA mentorship program.
